How Many Times do People Introduce Themselves as Maverick to You?

There is nothing wrong with this guy Chemistry.com feels I should date. Nothing that will stop me from hitting the "i'm interested" button, so that's what I'll do. Nothing short of the fact that his name is Goose and he apparently only gets his picture taken while he is on the golf course.

In his own words:
"Hi and thanks for visiting my Profile. My name is Goose and live in Los Angeles, California. I'm an Irish American, and currently an Investment Banker for a major International Investment Banking firm, in the Century City Regional office, I was born and raised in Chicago, Illinois, and received my B.S. Degree from Bradely University. I received my Masters Degree in Economics from the University of Southern California, in Los Angeles.

I have many interests, with golfing my favorite having a single digit handicap, along with traveling, working out and swimming. I have traveled all over Asia and Europe. I'm affable, intelligent, kind, humorous, generous, outgoing, affectionate, and just a fun and decent man.

I'm seeking a partner to share my life with me. If you have any interest in becoming acquainted as friends first, please contact me. Thanks and take good care. "

GOOSE.

GOOSE?

GOOSE!

I simply do not believe that his parents gave him that name. There has to be some sort of Top Gun story behind that right? Something that happened in college and then he thought was cool so stuck with it? Why Goose? Why not Iceman or Maverick? I mean Goose was charming and was with the adorable Meg Ryan but doesn't he die? Who chooses his nickname as the dead guy?

I'm going to stop what I'm doing right now and email my friend who is due in 3 weeks and suggest Goose as the baby's name. Just to hear her response.

GOOSE?!?

And I'm not kidding about sending him on to the next level. He can spell and has a grasp of the English language. Goose or no Goose he's a catch.

What does "?" mean?

From one of the guys chemistry.com feels I should date:

In his own words - "im a open minded fun man love to go to the beach walks or abike ride looking for ? im open im willing to try new thangs looking to find a life parttner to build a nice life with looking forward to it ."

His occupation - " kustom car builder"

Chills - Not Good Ones

I'm sure this guy that Chemistry.com feels I will be a good match with doesn't mean to be creepy when he explains himself like this. But he is. He's creepy.

"Am looking for a woman who is willing to love me with all her heart soul and body...one who doesnt lie or will treat me badly..if u fit this..then we can start out with dinner,movie or ball game or shopping..but once we fine chemistry there is no turning back..can u handle me...my hearts on fire..need someone who can take away....We can began after I get back from Ghana."

What are the Chances?

See these two guys? They have the same exact profile. Same odd headline. Same description of themselves including the following statements:

"I am a very sensual person, who loves to touch and be touched. "

"I have a passionate core and would appreciate a woman with the same. "

"I am open to living within any culture around the world as long as they respect men and their value to society"

The big difference? One guy you wouldn't mind being touched by and the other would only touch you to kill you. I realize that I broke my rule of never posting a guys picture on my blog since they didn't sign up for that. BUT this guy(s) is obviously hiding something, or someone, or has the magic power to morph into two different people.

Okay. You Keep Telling Yourself That

From one of today's Chemistry.com matches whose profile proudly says he is a 36 year old male living in Santa Monica.

"I'm kind, compassionate and loving, yet I'm a "total Dude" who loves sports, working as a sculptor and volunteering for The Make A Wish foundation. I'm 46 not 36, I lowered my age so I wouldn't show up in too many searches, Not ashamed of my age, because age is just a number to me, it all depends on the person and their life's experiences. "

OOOOkay. That's the story we are going with huh? Okkkkkkaaaaay buddy. So you are telling me you think there is a HUGE rush of people searching out 46 year olds? Sooooo much more demand, in general, for 46 year olds than 36? Has nothing to do with you being misleading or you not wanting to date women your own age.

I'm cool with that logic. I'll happily start telling people I'm 26.

PS. You are an asshat.

I'm So Sad

Chemistry has AGAIN matched me up with this ass - (click here for previous blog). ARE YOU KIDDING ME. ARE .... YOU ... KIDDING ... ME.....????!!!

The only difference is that this time he has a picture up (well he has two pictures up BUT IT IS THE SAME PICTURE BECAUSE HE IS AN IDIOT) so now I know what he looks like. He looks like Jimmie Walker from Good Times. BUT without the Good Times. In fact he is very very somber and will most likely kill a number of his wives, if he hasn't already.

That's the last straw. Chemistry.com is getting a strongly worded letter from me on this!

FOE SUR

Info on one of the guys Chemistry feels I should date:

not much to say, am a Marine Reservist will retire this year and am LAPD Detective.
very independent but wants someone who will undetrstans my possition and will bw willing to make a long lasting relationship am strict but very lovable. romantic and easy going. enjoys beeing arround people and most of all would do anything to satisfy my partner... I want to love her foe ever.

Background: I belive in God all mighty, God his son(Jesus) and the holy ghost.. as well as the virgen mary.

concert or play that he's recently enjoyed: 1000 and 1 nights, fantastic stories even though there more for kids storys, your inmagination really takes over you

THERE IS THIS GREAT COMPUTER DICTIONARY THAT WILL TELL YOU IF THE WORDS YOU TYPE ARE ACTUALLY WORDS OR NOT. Spell f*ing check. "Inmagin" that.

Riggins is Ready for His Close Up!

Riggins is entered into a contest to be a member of the Barks of Love calendar. You should go vote for him!

VOTE HERE (CLICK).

When I told my mom about the contest I explained that not only would Riggins be in a calendar for a good cause that I would get free professional pictures of Riggins and that would be awesome. She agreed, then after a beat said, "you realize how funny that is right?". YUP! I DO! AND I DON'T CARE! I HEART RIGGINS.

Click HERE for more info on Barks of Love organization.
Click HERE for more information on Lori Fusaro (super photographer). (Took picture of Riggins above).

The Wendy Uniform - Comfort Is Number One

Emails from Lucy and Lululemon usually go to my spam email folder. I've never changed this since it is a GOOD thing. I can't bear to unsubscribe. This way I feel like I'm still getting the information from these fabulous stores without actually seeing them and falling into their trap. THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS. The email above made it through my spam filter and found it's way to my inbox. It's like poison. What happens when I see words like "exclusive deals" and "free shipping" is that I can't help but to click on it. I'm powerless against it. Then I get sucked into the following logic:
* I have 10 million pairs of work out pants but these are more than 50% off. How can I not buy them?
* Just yesterday I was saying I need to replace a few of my work out tanks. Why not do that now?
* I can wear this in my everyday life not just working out so totally worth it.

Next thing I know my "cart" is full of lovely lovely lovely items and my pocketbook (electronic of course) is feeling the pain.

Here is the thing. I like to be comfy. It's kind of a new thing for me. Earlier in my life (like a year ago ... ) I would refuse to go out in my "work out" gear. I'd rather die then go meet friends for lunch in anything but a dress or fancy jeans. AND shoes ... tennis shoes were for working out and that was it! Going out required heels, fancy sandals, or fashionable boots. Tennis shoes were not a part of my regular wardrobe. In fact a few years ago (maybe a few more than a few) I made a trek out to what was, at that point, a new place for me - Lucy's. I had discovered that their work out pants were far superior to my generic Target brand and worth the extra cash. While at the store I couldn't help but notice that they were selling the brand as a lifestyle. One for young moms who felt the need to be sporty while still being semi stylish. I laughed out loud (and may have pointed in my mocking way) at a t-shirt that said "Got Kid?". Who would wear that stupidity?

Me. Now. Well maybe not the "Got Kid?" shirt since that is really kinda dumb and I don't have kids so would be misleading and somewhat creepy. BUT I do own a number of Lucy t-shirts, tanks, and long sleeve ts. Most with some design that someone thought was "sporty yet stylish" in that "young mom" way. AND I LOVE THEM. I LOVE THEM ALL. You are hard pressed to find me outside of work in ANYTHING but work out pants, t or tank, and tennis shoes. I LOVE BEING COMFY ... IT FREAKIN' ROCKS.

Now here is the kicker. I've never been able to stomach breaking down and wearing the Wendy Uniform to work. Even on casual Friday's I pull out the fancy jeans and high heal sandals. It won't last. I'm telling you that right now. One of my co-workers/friends, who introduced me to Lululemon, informed me she wears Lululemon gear to work all the time. Even going as far as wearing the pants instead of work slacks. SHUT IT! HOW EXCITING IS THAT? AND she is super fashion chick. Since she has said that I've noticed the little Lululemon ohm sign thing on some of her work outfits and think, "BY GOD SHE IS DOING IT. SHE IS LIVING MY DREAM." Today I noticed our receptionist had a fashionable pair of pants on ... WITH THE LULULEMON OHM SIGN THING ON IT. So you see. It's only a matter of time before the Wendy Uniform really is all I wear!

Shoot. We Were Perfect Until You Made "CLEAN" a Requirement

Someone Chemistry.com feels I would like to date:

Hi my name is Richard my hobbies are family,fishing,movies,dinning out,walks,outdoors.Im getting straight to the point im also send me ur email adresses loyal,passionate,trusting,commitment,no head games,no drama,hate cheaters,liers,want to be loved and love,morels,life partner,sensual,a freak in bed,honesty,loyality,God fearing,and open mind about different things,compassionate,loving,beautiful women or a cute women i tend to like the very cute ones,respect,walks and talks,laugh and likes to do so i love humor,understanding,like public public affection,holding hands,passion,NO DRAMA PLEASE, and thats about what im looking or in a WOMEN and LADY that also as here head together ,and it is (email address removed to protect the innocent and stupid) if im this way i except my women to be the same.I want a sexy,foxy very cute women,ill be your protector,best friends,know what she is doing in bed (a must)a clean women,a women that has the same qualities i have and more.Please no head games or drama if that is you don't contact me,a women that likes the simple things in life and the complex things as well,she must stand by my side and love life because its to short.So if this is you please contact me and live in the Canoga Park ,California "

I'm going out of a limb here and thinking this "cute one" must also love poor grammar and a lack of periods and capital letters.

People I Want To Be

The muscle that is on the back of my thigh (I have no idea what it is called) is screaming with pain. I'm fully aware of the reason. It's from doing fold over two nights in a row at Bar Method.

I often consider just not going to class. What is the point of an hour long work out that has me shaking, sweating, and in pain for not only the length of the class but long after? Then I get a visual of my teachers in my head and think, "so I can look like them." THAT'S WHY.

The picture here is of the co-owners of the Pasadena Bar Method studio I go to. Adorable right? Combine them, soak them in water, and I will STILL be heavier then them. Seriously their thighs are the size of my wrist. I will never be as tiny as them. EVER. First of all I my height alone has me TOWERING over them. I'm like an Amazonian in their classes (in a good way --- like Wonder Woman or Xena --- at least give me that --- let me think my giant-ness can be spun into a positive). The only way I'm matching their weight is if I stopped eating and moving for 6 months.

One day a teacher walked into the studio to lead our class. She usually teaches at a different location but was checking out Pasadena. The second I saw her I thought "HER! I WANT TO LOOK LIKE HER!" She was crazy fit, no question, but not crazy tiny. Her arms were perfect, legs slim and long, and stomach beyond flat. Now when I start to think about ditching a class I think, "nope ... how will I ever look like Marin if I don't go?". Marin is my body hero and my goal is to be just like her!

I read in the Bar Method blog that Marin (not to be confused with Marnie) is in one of the next exercise DVD's coming out. She is the one in the periwinkle tank pictured here (click). Don't you love her? I should just go ahead and photoshop my face on top of hers (not in a creepy way) so I can have a picture of my ending goal!

(BTW the guy in the picture next to her taught a class at Pasadena once. I've NEVER seen a room full of women giggle and try so hard IN MY LIFE. It was almost embarrassing. When the normally scheduled teacher was back the next week she had obviously heard of the transformation her class went through and as individuals in the class crumbled and gave into the pain she exclaimed, "If I was a cute boy you all would be trying harder. Didn't think I'd hear about that did you?")

So that is my goal. I'm going to Bar Method myself into becoming Marin (again not in a creepy way).

Maybe it will be Simplier if You Tell me What Love Isn't

Oh Chemistry your failure today is mind blowing.

His headline - I need someone who will love me noting but love .

In his own words - Love can be everything. My love is true. Love is unpredictable. Love is uncontainable. Love is reliable. Love is infallible. Love is right . Love is wrong. Love is weak. Love is strong. Love is good. Love is pure. Love is real. Love is sure. Love is jealous. Love is pain. Love is lost Love is gained Love is naked Love is raw Love is everything Love is all Love is here Love is there Love is beautiful Love is fair Love is great. Love is shit. Love is hate, Love is demanding. Love is it....Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, While loving someone deeply gives you courage. ? ? ?

Why is that a question? There are most definitely a number of run on sentences in there but I don't see any questions. Certainly not one that justifies three question marks.

God Makes You Regular?

I actually almost passed this guy on to my "I'm interested" list even though his profile is SCREAMING of red flags. That is until I read this:

• About His Religious Background: Am a good christian having fear of God in my life, i dont joke with church and regular even when am sick.

That is the red flag that pushed me over the edge. No need to continue. It won't work. Chemistry.com once again you failed.

So Someone Who Can Relax? Are you sure?

Chemistry.com feels I should date this guy:

"MY NAME IS GABRIAL IM LOOKING FOR A FEMALE WHO I CAN KICK BACK RELAX CHILL OUT RELAX HAVE FUN GO OUT WITH SPEND TIME WITH PARTY HAVE A GREAT TIME GO TO A MOVIE RELAX AT HOME WORK GET TO KNOW THAT SPECIAL PERSON.AND I DON'T WANT NO GAMES I WANT SOME ONE WHO IS HONEST ABOUT THEM SELVES AND ARE WILLING TO TAKE RISKES AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST "

I don't feel like my Type A personality will fit well with Mr. Relax. Sorry Chemistry.com. Once again you fail.

Honest Question - How Do These People Find Jobs?

From one of today's Chemistry matches:

• About His Religious Background: hello i am Daniel by name and i am easy going and generous and kind person i like to make every body around me to happy i wish i can express my self more than this hope to see my type very soon?

• In his own words: in the future I wish to have an amicable and strong family. In mine
  Lives were the woman and our relations lasted almost 3 years. It was frivolous to me and ours
  Relations are finished. Now I in search. I wish to meet sincere, kind, serious
  The woman. I search for the woman whom could grow fond. I could be very gentle with it. To me
  Very much it would be desirable to have children. I hope, my dreams of a happy family become a reality. I
  I will be fair with you. I do not wish to spend time in vain for any games or chatter.

His profile also says he is an engineer. HOW? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? How did the same person who wrote this go to school, get a degree, and then get a job? HOW?

It also says he is widowed so I'm going to go ahead and make the leap and assume he is a killer.

Speaking of Dipshits

Sunday I was at Runyon with Riggins. After our hike I sat in my car and took a drink of water only to be jerked forward due to the fact someone had ran their car into mine. I got out, walked to the car behind me and tried talking to the woman who had done this. She was obviously insane and could only say one of two things:
"It's Sunday. We are all just here to hike."
"Can you move up? This is a stick I can't go back."
No matter what I asked the answer was one of these two things.

Q."Do you realize you hit my car?"
A."It's Sunday. We are all just here to hike."

Q."Can you back up so I can see the damage you did to my car?"
A."Can you move up? This is a stick I can't go back."

Q."What?"
A."It's Sunday. We are all just here to hike."

Q. "What?"
A."Can you move up? This is a stick I can't go back."

I then proceed to tell her I wasn't moving my car until I took pictures of what she had done. After that I moved my car up two inches and she took off. During the next 2 hours while I waited for a traffic cop to take my statement (SERIOUSLY TWO HOURS. Apparently he got lost ... sigh.) she most likely parked, took her Sunday hike, and was home taking a shower.

She is a bad woman. As a public service I've posted the picture of her license plate above. If you see her do me a favor and flip her off. I didn't have time while she drove away from the accident.

Telling It Like It Is

Some people are dipshits. There isn't a word in the English language that is better suited for them ... DIPSHITS. For example the a**holes that sat around and decided to put together the profile above and send me a wink. The only thing truthful about this profile is that the person(s) live in Santa Monica. There is a large concentration of dipshits in Santa Monica. This isn't an opinion. It's a fact. Ask anyone. Dipshits.

I emailed them back (I assume it is a gaggle of dipshits who did this not one lone dipshit) and asked how they could possible have so much time to waste on their hands. Then I blocked them and turned them into Match.com for being dipshits. So I guess I'll never know the answer to my question.

Crotch Ouch

After my long bike ride on Sunday I asked a question that I'm sure had been asked a million times before. Why don't they make bike seats comfortable? I mean what is the point of making them as painful as possible? Doesn't seem logical.

I know from experience and from the dozen or so real bikers that yell at me via Twitter whenever I complain about an ouch in my crotch/bum area that biking shorts make a huge difference. It is obviously a scam of the biking industry. Why they feel they have to put super duper padding in your shorts, so you feel like you are walking around with a load in your pants, vs. just adding padding to the seat is beyond me.

The only "biker short" I currently own are sewn into my very pastel colored tri-suit. I'm not riding around LA looking like an Easter egg. So Monday I made my way to REI's online site and found some women's biker shorts on clearance. Today they showed up. Holy Adult Diaper Batman! These things are not kidding! I took a picture (above) for you to get an idea of what I'm dealing with here. The one pair I turned inside out so you can see the additional crotch/bum padding. The second I poised behind ... standing on it's own ... like a ghost of the bike seat it never was.

I haven't tried them on but I'm pretty confident I'll look ridiculous wearing them. Oh well! At least there will be less crotch ouch!

Daddy Knows Best

I've already suggested in a post that my Mom is brilliant so it makes sense that dad deserves his own blog post too. Last night I was in a deep depression due to the fact that my back log of NCIS episodes (I only started watching this last season so had lots of old ones saved up) had been depleted. I quickly went through the TV Guide to find some more to record all the time wondering why I didn't start watching this show earlier. I LOVE IT. In fact one of the characters, Special Agent Anthony, made my top TV character lists (lists found here and here). In fact, I love all the characters. Well not Abby. Her character is like fingernails on a chalk board but, based on the research my company does, my opinion is not the norm. To each his own.

How did I get hooked on NCIS so close to it's final season? Dad. See mom and dad don't have cable so TV options at their house are limited. Visits home require you to watch an actual broadcast network (although with digital they now get those sub channels like This TV which my dad insists is as good as any cable movie channel). This very much limits my program options. One such evening dad insisted NCIS was worth my time. He was right! In fact he is often right. If it wasn't for him I'd never have started watching Bones, How I Met Your Mother (which I don't think he watches anymore but I'm a loyal supporter of anything NPH does), The Big Bang Theory, and Boston Legal (I have to give some credit on this one to a co-worker) just to name a few. How empty my life would have been without these lovely programs.

It makes me think of things I've missed out on when he told me I'd like a something and I refused to give it a shot. Perhaps Buffy was the best TV show of all time and I missed out. Naaaaaaaah.

Karma Ouch

I did it! I went biking this weekend (finally). After getting all sweaty pumping up my tires (honestly soaking wet just from that activity), I loaded my bike into the back of my car, and took off for the LA River Bike path. Despite only bringing one biking glove I had oodles of fun. A strange and unusual experience for me to have ... biking. It probably had something to do with my slow pace which will have to be challenged in the weeks to come if I want to get close to my normal Tri time (I say normal as if I've done it a million times -- twice --- I've done a tri twice before). This ride I took the time to notice the ducks and some white crane thing and the crazy homeless man drinking Jack and talking to himself. Then off the path weaving around Griffith Park for a total of over 15 miles! Top it off with the fact I was only beeped at once (It is beyond common for bikers to make their way through Griffith Park and most are at a much higher biking skill level than I am. It is well known to those who drive the area that bikes don't stop. I understand that it is murder to slow down and unclip at each stop sign but even my patience is sometimes pushed to the limit. So I made it a point to slow down almost to a stop at every stop sign and only go forward with the car next to me so that I didn't hinder traffic. Apparently a van-ish type vehicle full of rowdy young adults disagreed and wanted to see a full and complete stop. Luckily I reminded myself that I was on a bike and easy prey to a car full of nasties before my middle finger found its way to their rear view mirror view. I was soooo close. Whew. You would have found me wrapped around a light pole by the LA Steamers train.)

Upon returning home I knew my bum would hurt the next day but I was more worried about my lower back. My lower back has been KILLING me. That kind of ouch that keeps you up at night. I blame the running ... because you have to blame something. I've had similar problems when I ran more regularly ... yet another reason not to run as much. I cut way back on running when I started taking Bar Method class but recently stepped it back up for Tri training. I wasn't going to take this pain lying down! Earlier that day I went shopping for my personal pain war. My Target cart had the following items:
*Epsom Salt
*Bengay
*Disposable stick on heat pads
*Shampoo (this has nothing to do with my back pain I just needed shampoo)
Add that to my bottle of Motrin and I was set! It worked! Sort of. I actually slept all night and my back just started hurting again just after lunch. I wonder if anyone at my office would be upset if I constantly smelled like Bengay?

Reminds me of a date I had (what doesn't). The guy smelled of Bengay. I feel bad now that I judged him so harshly for that ... karma.