All 254 of You Can F Off!

This is a screenshot from my Chemistry.com account that shows me my "connections." I have 254 of them. That means I have gone out to more than 254 guys saying "I'm interested to learn more about you" or in Wendy online dating language, "I'll totally meet you for a drink". MORE THAN 254. MORE THAN. MORE THAN 254. There isn't a font big and bold enough to write that.

I say more than since some guys, for one reason or another, have deleted themselves from my list. I'm sure for very logical reasons. Like, I'm not Asian (happened for a fact), have short hair, have a dog (which I will give you a pass on if you are allergic or just plan ol' lame), don't smoke, exercise a min. of 5 days a week, live in LA, drink socially, and am not "god fearing" (read past post for the pass on this one). That's about all they have to base this "OMG I have to delete myself from this chick's list" on. My profile doesn't offer you much more.

Of the 254 guys a percentage I went out with so they get a "thanks for trying" participant ribbon. Neither of us have the energy to delete from the list.

BUT a good percentage of those guys never responded. NEVER RESPONDED. EVER. WHY ARE YOU ON THE SITE? WHY? EXPLAIN TO ME WHY. (Again this demands a much bigger angrier font style.) I'll have to assume it is because I drink socially. It is such a turn off!

Now Chemistry has a new feature. It allows you to skip all their useless "get to know each other" steps and just email someone. I think I should go to all 254 one by one and write the following:

"Dear (fill in name).

I was going through my Connection list on Chemistry and realized you haven't responded to me in the past XXX (fill in number of days). I'd love to meet you for drinks. That is, unless you are dead.

XOXO,
Wendy"

The XOXO may be a little bit of an overkill.

(Someday I'll write about my dislike of the "nudge him" option. When someone nudges me I imagine them poking their elbow into my ribs and my reflex is to slap them. Probably not the reaction the poor guy is looking for.)

But I hike on Sundays

As you know I suggest, when online dating, to go out with anyone who asks. You will never know someone well by exchanging emails and the phone is for wimps. So meet up and have a drink. If nothing else you've gotten out of the house and had a tasty beverage. What is bad about that?

Still there are things on a guys online dating profile that causes you to think twice. Don't get me wrong. I'll still meet up for a drink but I have little to no expectations that something great will happen. For example:

* "Lives with roommate" (or other versions of this like "lives with family"). If you are over 30 you don't need a roommate unless you are still mentally a teenager.
* Horrific speller. Now I'm guilty of this BUT I'm smart enough to spell check prior to posting on my profile.
* Any use of the words "soul mate."
* Location outside of US. I often get emails from guys in places like TX. How exactly do they see this working?
* Smokes
* Tons of baggage and bitter about it. Like this guy:
"Girls Girls Girls......If you think you found "Mr. Wonderful" on here, have the decency to at least hide your profile while dating during the 2 weeks it takes you to discover he totally fabricated his profile and now you need a restraining order... "
"Reasearch shows..65% of the bad ones have been on here for 6 mos or longer....hmmm. 15% are divorced/seperated and constantly "man" shopping. 15% stuck in the peter pan party mode. 4% just plain crazy. 1% sincere....I'm looking for that 1%..... "
"I check each day to see you girls I sent a message to, checked me out and passed on me..~~sniffle~~ I hope ya feel good about yourself now....~sniffle~ "
There are plenty more examples on his profile but you get the point.
* Doesn't like dogs. (Who am I kidding. That is a deal breaker. To the curb with you!)

All pink flags but not red ones. Still worth a drink. Even weird desperate baggage guy. There is only one thing that will put a screeching halt on any "drink" date plans for me. The religious question. Let me be very clear if you use the words "god fearing" in your profile we will not get along. I use to have "Spiritual but not religious" as the answer to "what is your religious beliefs" questions as that seems to be the most popular answer. People saw this as code. Like I'm really really really religious but don't want to admit it. It was annoying. So I manned up, got honest and changed it to "atheist." After all that is the truth. So, if you consider yourself "god fearing" there will be a moment in our relationship (it could happen ... I respect those who believe in God and faithfully go to church ... it's just questionable if they respect me) when you get angry at me for getting up early on Sunday to hike with Riggins while you drag yourself to church. It will cause a fight. There will be screaming and before I throw it at you, I will have grabbed the copy of the bible from my "Bible as Literature" class in college (great class) and start quoting things from it and screaming "Really? This really happened?" and making you cry. Believe me ... you will cry. So to keep this horrific scene from playing out the guy who writes this:

About His Religious Background: is the best religious. is a bout to be a good man good father to your child good son for your mom and dad good brother for your brother and sister good friend for your friends believe in god respect other people be a good man for your wife

isn't going to drinks with me.

I can't whistle. Is that a deal breaker?

Chunk of bio from a Chemistry match with very specific "match" requirements -

Looking for those who see quite clearly that 2 and 2 make TWENTY-TWO, never four. And those not lessened by the well-fed worm of comfort. The elegant, polite, and refined. Those who meander through life with dignity and aplomb. Those who lead a charmed life. Those who walk a crooked mile. Those whose religion is gift giving. Those who believe in real magic, and mystery. Those who find comfort in harmony. Those who treat nonsense with respect. Those with no sense of direction or navigational skill, like me. Those who live from the sea. Those who stagger. Those who whistle well. And those who have no real sense of purpose but in the chasing of that unearthly-beautiful music which they hear in dreams.

What's key? I'm unclear.

From the bio of one of today's Chemistry matches ...

"I am somewhat shy love working out.like movies and reading I also belive in punctuality.I also belive n heellppg the needy. the most important thing for me in a relationship is honesty.values are also important.i also belive romance is very important.I belive romance is thekey to any relationship.and lets not forget the most essential :communication."

Get Laid

This blog entry's title makes me laugh out loud. It also makes me happy that I disconnected the link to my Facebook page as it may be seen as offensive to some. BUT if Disney Online can come up and use really dumb puns so can I.

It seems Disney Online has partnered with Teri Hatcher to launch a site called "Get Hatched". Advertised as a "Chick's Guide to Life." Get it. Because her name is "Hatcher" and "Chicks" "Hatch". Ha! They are soooooo funny and clever.

I dislike this site and it hasn't even launched yet. Part of the problem isn't Disney's fault. They didn't sit in a Los Angeles theatre years ago and watch Teri Hatcher butcher my favorite musical roll of all time, Sally in Cabaret. BUTCHER. DESTROY. FLAT LINE. Best musical character for a woman ever destroyed by the need to have a "name" onstage. Most of the blame should be put on the casting director and producers (I can only imagine if the Director had any brain cells he was sobbing during the entire rehearsal and production run) who thought this was an a-okay idea. Although I do believe Teri should have been honest with herself and graciously declined the role with the words, "although I'm flattered I think it is obvious to anyone who breathes that this role is a bit outside my wheel house." HORRIBLE. I CAN'T EXPLAIN THE HORROR THAT WAS THAT PRODUCTION.

So anything Hatcher and I'm out. I also find the tag line "Miss, Mrs., Mom, Me" annoying. It pisses me off for reasons I can't put into words. I don't need Hatcher (AKA Sally Killer) to guide me through life. I don't know much about Hatcher's personal life but what gives her the credentials to tell me how to live. She's no Dr. Drew I'll tell you that. Obviously I'm not the key demo for this website. If I am then time to rethink the concept! Perhaps changing the tag line from "A Chicks Guide to Life" to "Get Laid". I'm just saying. Sex sells.

It Was No Transformers

She didn't give me permission but I have to share since it made me laugh and laugh. Here is my mom's review of Crazy Heart:

"I thought Crazy Heart was ridiculous. Who wants to watch a scrubby, disgusting man with his pot belly and bare chest hanging out, drinking whiskey? He can't sing. He was kissing a girl young enough to be his daughter. It was dumb, depressing movie about an alcoholic. Yuk."

I haven't seen it but I'm going with mom. She seems to know best. If you want to know where I got my movie tastes it is from her (although honestly I'm not nearly as harsh and will see almost anything as long as it fits my schedule for the day --- in fact personally that is how I pick movies. It's 11:00 AM what starts now? Great! Sold! I'll see that.). After all her favorite movie of 2007 was Transformers. Give us some popcorn and a fun flick and we are happy for the next 2ish hours!

Oh Riggins!

So my parents, being the NICEST people on the planet, and fully understanding that I'm a basket case, were sweet enough to drive to my house (45 mins from theirs) to check on Riggins at lunch.

I hear he is doing "great". He was excited to see them (he always is) and thet played ball with him for a bit. He seemed to be doing so well that they left him in the backyard (his normal "during the day" location) to frolic and play until I come home. This is a HUGE treat for him as he hasn't been allowed out back by himself for a week now. Mostly because I didn't want him to eat anything (berries, fruit, leaves, grass) that would continue to upset his stomach. So DON'T EAT ANYTHING RIGGINS.

With the parent check up coming back a-okay I went ahead and turned in his insurance claim form with numerous visits listed. I refuse to tell you the total cost of it all ...

Etsy o Holic

I buy a number of items from Etsy. Most items are original, hand made, and one of a kind. Add that to the fact that a number of items can be customized with pictures of Riggins and what is there not to love? Seriously.

I want to share my favorite shops with you. Honestly I haven't purchased from a number of these folks but have made them "favorites" so when the time comes when I need leggings with the Twitter bird that say "follow me" on them I'm ready! To see their fancy goods go to etsy.com and look at these sellers shops:

WowWall
trixiedelixious
Joannarutter
meggancolleen
post
MmeFortuna
theoddbird
UntamedMenagerie

Poor Riggins

Poor Riggins has been sick the last couple of weeks. That lead to a couple late nights of being helpless as he cried and threw up and cried and threw up and repeat non stop for 8 hours. His last bad night was last Thursday and I thought he was getting better until last night.

Last night as we were going to bed something was wrong. Riggins was having a hard time breathing and couldn't get comfortable. He seemed to only want to stand in the middle of the room, with his tail between his legs snarling a bit while trying to suck in air. It was VERY upsetting.

I'm not a firm supporter of emergency vet trips unless necessary. I tend to think they don't usually know much (well for that matter neither does the daytime vet) and it costs a lot of money and takes a lot of time. BUT my baby couldn't breath. I carefully loaded him in the car and took off into the stormy night (it was raining --- stormy). The emergency vet is super close to my house but due to panic and rain it took me a bit to find it the whole time saying out loud, "it's okay we are almost there. You are okay just breath."

When we got to the vet we had to be buzzed in. Apparently not the best area as not only were we buzzed in but the receptionist was behind glass. Since the place is emergency only they triage all patients. They came out to look at Riggins to see how bad off he was. A quick exam while standing in a brightly lit waiting room about the size of a walk in closet made her say he was okay. I tried to explain "this" wasn't normal and that "this" wasn't Riggins. When she turned back she agreed. Riggins breathing was getting worse and she said she was worried and would get the oxygen ready. I sat down with him while those in the waiting room asked me questions. I tried to be nice. I tried to answer sweetly since they were just trying to help. BUT I wasn't okay and I just wanted them to zip it as I concentrated on not losing my shit. The nurse then came and took Riggins away. So there I sat. In a brightly lit glass closet sobbing quietly to myself. I put the hood of my sweater up since everyone knows that means I want to be invisible (a tactic that usually works on a plane, movie theatre, work, etc.). I did go through a laughing fit at one point when I heard the receptionist tell some f**ing moron on the phone what to do because his dog got into his pot stash. Really? Moron. My poor sweet, lovable Riggins couldn't breath and some idiot was allowed to have a dog and couldn't be smart enough to keep him away from his "stash". Sigh. Moron.

A nice man with his adorable lab, Whiney, tried to make me feel better. He said he was sorry I was crying.

Another man told me it would be okay. This was after he found out Riggins was male. He was there with his pregnant dog ... and pregnant wife ... to him not pregnant was better!

My parents got out of bed and drove to the vet to be with me. Mostly because I was sobbing on the phone when I called them.

A nurse came out to get someone and when she saw me asked if I was okay. When I couldn't talk and just waved to her she told me she didn't think it was that bad and to just hold on. THAT DOESN'T HELP.

So I sat there and just kept hoping for the best. A yappy little mean dog came in (in the dog's defense he had broken his leg and if I had his owners I'd yelp too) and I kept thinking, Riggins is too sweet. Please make him okay. He is so sweet just make him okay.

Finally we were called in to see the vet and Riggins. Riggins --- who was fine. Seriously fine. Happy to see me and my folks. Panting but other than that breathing normal. Fine. They didn't even give him oxygen. Just fine. His x-rays ... fine. His temperature ... fine. The vet didn't know what to tell me (not surprising). So we all left.

Riggins slept through the night. Better than I did as I kept getting up and making sure he was breathing. He seemed okay when I left for work this morning. He got up and ate his food and, as usual, wanted more. He went and laid down. He seemed sad. Morose. Maybe trying a little hard to breath but not bad.

I'm now thinking that maybe he had an asthma attack? Maybe? How would I know?

My mom thinks he is just overly sensitive. A momma's boy (she didn't say that --- I'm translating for you) whose normal routine had been turned upside down the past few weeks.

My dad thinks it is because he hasn't been out on his hikes the past couple of weeks. I haven't taken him since he has been sick ... it seemed like a dumb thing to do.

I'm at work. I hope he is okay. I wish my office was closer so I could check on him at lunch. I wish I didn't have to work. I wish he wasn't sick. Poor Riggins.

Shhhhhhhh!

Awhile back (long while back) I posted about the fancy work out classes I had started to attend called The Bar Method (http://meandriggins.blogspot.com/2009/12/i-got-somethin-you-can-hold.html).

I'd like to take it back. Not because they aren't brilliant --- because they are. Not because the workout doesn't work --- because it does. Not because the people aren't crazy nice --- because they are. The problem is too many people know about this little gem in Pasadena now. I tried to sign up for tomorrow night's class and "GASP" had to go on the wait list.

Now I'd never wish anything but "great business" to the super nice co-owners and I'm very excited things are going well for them, BUT you can't get me addicted to a work out and then take it away from me.

Now the problem, as I see it, due to my work location I only have the option of attending one class during the day. The late, and most likely most popular, last class of the day. The obvious solution is to get a job closer to downtown Pasadena. Personally I suggest JPL but my lack of science background and skill is proving to be a problem with that goal. Therefore, I put it out for all of you to help with. Let's get Wendy a job close to the Pasadena Bar Method studio so she can be fit AND happy!

I'm Sometimes Dumb

I admit it. I am. Sometimes I do something dumb. Not often. Still .... sometimes. This morning was one of those times.

The past few days I've been fighting a head/chest cold. Grrrrr. I angrily cancelled going to The Bar Method Thursday night and then unhappily cancelled swimming on Sat. BUT THERE WAS NO WAY I WAS NOT DOING THE 5K SCHEDULED FOR THIS MORNING. My second favorite 5K in the world (minor over exaggeration as I've only done a handful of races in the LA area) the Santa Anita 5K has you run through the Arcadia Arboretum and finish on the horse track at Santa Anita Race Track. HOW FUN IS THAT? I wasn't going to miss it. I just wasn't.

So this morning, after coughing on and off during the night, I blew my nose, pulled on my running pants and hoped in the car! I'M THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD --- NOT. This route has always kicked my butt. I don't know why. It just does. This morning it's as if my body and the race route got together and said, "let's teach her a lesson!"

The first mile wasn't great but I was on pace for a normal finish with a 9:30 mile. Then it all went downhill. I had been fighting to get enough oxygen. Stuffed nose, chocking on my own mucus ... you see how basic breathing was an issue ... was causing me stress. Then about 1 1/2 miles in my pulse jumped to crazy land. That hasn't happened in a long time and I actually take medicine to stop it. So I had to walk. Walk during my 5K. SO HORRIFYING! I've only walked once before and that was because the hill I was running was practically vertical. I felt like a loser as tons of people passed me BUT I was also aware I had done this to myself. As I tried to slow my heart so I wouldn't black out I finally had time to notice how pretty this run is! I have always known it was but this time, my fifth time "running" (sigh) it, I was now taking the time to smell the roses. I even heard a peacock call out over Sexy Bitch playing on my iPod (I love that song! It's my new anthem.).

Well I FINALLY finished with my worst 5K time EVER --- 36 minutes ish. Grrrrr. Although I'm alive so that is a plus!

My body wanted to make sure it got it's point across and smacked me with a big ol' migraine as soon as I got home. It wanted to make sure I fully understood ... DON'T BE AN ASS NEXT TIME AND STAY IN BED WHEN YOU ARE SICK!

Now I am resting before heading out for my b-day party with friends. Oh yah! There is no way I'm missing that. Screw you body!

Fab Philly

I spent last weekend in fabulous and fun Philly. As you remember in a past post I talked about everyone moving away from sunny California. One of those people was my friend Martha. She moved to Philadelphia to attend Penn. Our dual March birthdays gave me the perfect excuse to go see her! I had a great time and thought I'd share with you some of my observations of this historical US city.

* Seriously. Historical. History history everywhere. It is slightly ridiculous. Every 10 or so steps there is another sign explaining why that specific spot is important. I read each one until I realized that would seriously slow us down so I gave up and just started ignoring them like the Philly natives do!

* Look a bar. Look a church. Look a bar. Look a church. I'm convinced Philly has the highest bar and church to square foot ratio than any other city in the US. I suppose it is a vicious cycle. Sin - Repent - Repeat.

* Go go public transportation. As an LA native I'm always amazed when I visit a city where public transportation is an actual option. It really is brilliant. Philly was no different. Martha had me riding the bus like a champ. Shame on you LA. I often defend everything about you but to this point I have no fire power. Tsk Tsk.

* Martha was correct ... I was one of the only blondes around. Apparently they don't ship hair lightener to the PA. Although hand fist in the air for the short hair. No one dared go Wendy short but looking around the short locks are all the rage. Goooooooooooo Phillllllly!

* There is a dog themed bar. I've been to another dog themed bar in Baltimore and was in love. We need a dog themed bar in LA. Ooooooh. I may have stumbled upon my new career ...

* Female Uniform. The Philly uniform is as follows:
- skin tight jean (if you can breathe they are probably not tight enough)
- uggs (or flip flops. NOTHING in between.)
- North Face jacket (any flavor or color but it needs the trade mark North Face emblem on the back right shoulder.)

* Pabst Blue Ribbon isn't nearly as gross as you think it would be.

* I'd be a million pounds if I lived there as every single bar (and, as I said there is no shortage) has a cheese plate. I ADORE CHEESE PLATES!

* I miss Martha! I hope she comes "home" to LA after she gets schooled!