Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

There is this nice guy on Match.com that keeps emailing me. You know my theory on email ... it's useless. You have to meet. I have maxed out on my back and forth chit chat and was going to ask him to meet for drinks.

First I had to look where he lived. I've never heard of Rosamond, CA so looked it up. (See map.)

IT'S ALIEN TERRITORY PEOPLE. ALIEN TERRITORY. I mean ignore that it is on a military base (which means if I'd lived there I'd probably get along with no one and be given some sort of scarlet rebel sign to wear so they could easily identify me ... not that I'm against the military. I'm not at all. Thank whatever god you believe in that these people exist. I'm just not one of them. I don't do well being bossed around and I'm HORRIBLE at mindlessly doing what I'm told. Again not that, that is a bad trait, I just don't react well to it. Let's call it a personality clash. On the other hand I'm BRILLIANT at bossing people around. Is there a way to join the military and skip everything and just become the boss?), ignore the fact that the nearest Target is most likely hours vs. miles away, ignore the fact that it is practically an overnight weekend trip to any actual "city", it's ALIEN TERRITORY PEOPLE.

Would it be considered insane if in my next correspondence I wrote, "I'm sorry to stop this before it begins but I'm too afraid of being abducted to date you." Does that sound crazy?

(I can't figure out how I started underlining this post ... please ignore.)

I'm Busy Writing "FRIEND" in Glow Tape on my Roof

Here's my thought ... they are coming. I think all the signs are here. Alien life is seconds from crash landing on our little planet and I'm doing everything I can to let them know I'm "friend not food".

My love for Star Trek along with other alien media can be a bit confusing but those who know me understand I'm not afraid of Worf (in fact he's cute out of make up ---http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Dorn) but the REAL aliens (finding the link to that has caused me to start hyperventilating). You know what I mean. The oval head, big eyed, orifice probing freaky mean ol' aliens. Like Fire in the Sky aliens. AAAAAH. I will now not be able to sleep just because I said that movie title out loud. I wish I was kidding. Whoever added the "based on a true story" to that movie should be drug into the desert by his toenails and left for dead.

This summer there have been more signs to what the real aliens look like and I'm not going to lie. I'm not happy. Based on District 9, Avatar, and Old Man's War (okay that is a book that has been out for awhile but I just read it so totally counts) the big eyes are still in. NOT OKAY. BIG FREAK SOUL STEALING EYES ARE NOT COOL (The Old Man's War aliens aren't so much aliens and have cat eyes but since it is a book not a movie I'm going with the visual in my head). I'm going to throw out the cockroach look of the District 9 aliens because let's face it , that's just silly. BUT based on my other two media sources, and why would they lie, aliens will have freaky colored skin. Blue, green, what does it matter. It isn't flesh colored and that creeps me out.

So in case it is time I have the following ready (all based on my media based research):

*bag of Reeses Pieces (you never know)

*water (You bet 'cha I'm going to try it. First alien near me is getting a mug full of water just in case that works.)

*comfy traveling clothes and extra leash for Riggins in case we have to take a ride up, up, and away

*words to "Earth Girls Are Easy"

FRIEND NOT FOOD