WTF Indeed!

Dear random guy on Chemistry.com. Just because I did not immediately write you back does not mean you have to get all crazy with it and send me an email titled, "WTF" with no text in the body of the message.

WTF indeed!

I ignored, deleted and blocked. Now that I think about it I should have wrote back in the headline BD. Then in the body of the text, "Translated: Bullet Dodged."

Counting is Fun! - Edit

Okay I thought of another great character. Cameron Tucker from Modern Family. Much like Barney ever scene he is in I'm laughing. That actor is a comic genius.

Now I have to bump someone from my original list. Sorry Hodgins ... you're out!

Counting is Fun!

I love end of the year countdowns and lists. ADORE THEM! I'm not sure why. No matter the topic I have an opinion and will happily share it with anyone who will listen. I've even been known to watch end of the year list countdowns on ESPN and honestly I couldn't tell you if I even have access to that channel any other time of year.

So! I decided to make my own end of year top 10 list of the best (aka my favorite) TV characters of 2009. Now I realize it doesn't make sense to compile this list mid network season but I don't care. I also freely admit I stole this idea from someone on Twitter who, with ties to the industry, was probably more qualified to make this list than I am. Still, with hours of programing currently recorded on my DVR I'm confident in my opinion on this matter.

#10. Dr. Jack Hodgins from Bones.
Honestly he almost got bumped by the son in Cougar Town but he made it so there you go. I really like the show Bones which is odd since I find the main female character horrifically annoying. I give full credit to Hodgins. Although I liked him better when Angela and him where "doing it."

#9. Sarah Walker from Bothers and Sisters.
Her character is just tragic. It hurts my heart. If you can watch an episode of Brothers and Sisters without crying you are dead inside.

#8. Michael Western from Burn Notice.
Come on! The ultimate bad boy who does good. "Somebody needs you Michael." Yah. Me.

#7. Hardison and Parker from Leverage.
I realize it is cheating having this spot shared by two characters but they kinda come as a pair and it's my list so I'll do what I want! I love all the characters on Leverage but these two are my favorite. He is crazy smart and she is super skilled --- in the art of the con (is that how you spell that? Seems wrong.). Again bad guy/gal who does good. I say recipe for success!

#6. Kendall Cho from The Mentalist.
Okay I admit it. I had to look up this characters name. I usually just refer to him as the Hot Stoic Asian Dude. This is pretty high on the list for a character whose name I don't know but EVERY time I watch The Mentalist I say out loud, "I love that Hot Stoic Asian Dude." So there you go! I actually do love all the characters on this show especially Lisbon but Kendall still takes top honors. Watch the show. You honestly want to tell me they'd get anything done without him? He is calm, cool, and collected and knows more about law and life than the other 2 lower detectives combined. (I liked the "2 lower detectives" aka Grace & Rigsby, better when they weren't "doing it".) Without him they would fail. And who wants a fake government agency failing? Not I!

#5. Dr. Gregory House from House.
HOW CAN HOUSE NOT MAKE YOUR LIST? You heard me so called "TV person" who wrote that list I am blatantly stealing the idea of. HOW? I love that show and I'll tell you this much it isn't for any of the other annoying spineless characters. It's all about House, all the time! A brilliant character who you should despise and yet love due to his wit and extreme intelligence (gross Moody from Californication could take some tips from him).

#4. Cappie from Greek.
That's right a character from ABC Family made it on my list. Have you watched Greek? No. Then zip it and stop judging. Cappie is an adorable loser whose heart is bigger than the Grinch's at the end of that story (after the growth spurt). My friend, the only other person I know who watches the show, agrees that the fictional Cappie should stop futzing around at college and just marry me! We can have jello shots at the reception.

#3. Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother.
Again didn't make that other list making that other list invalid. How I Met Your Mother is often times seconds from being unwatchable. The lead male character is so annoying I'm shocked none of the other fictional characters just don't off him and end his misery. BUT NEVER FEAR. BARNEY IS HERE. How can a character that is so disgusting and such a male chauvinist be so lovable? Comedy. That's my answer. Even when he is saying nothing and almost out of the shot he is who I watch because his reaction is funnier than whoever is the focus of the scene ... always!

#2. Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.
One Sheldon line can explain my love for him, "That’s not a reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example I cry because others are stupid and that makes me sad." Ha! How can you not love him? I have also recently learned that the actor who plays Sheldon, Jim Parsons, is older than me so I can actually love him without some dimwit calling me a cougar. (May be my top pet peeve of the moment. The next guy who calls me a cougar and then follows it up with, "Why are you angry? That's a compliment." I'm going to call a pot bellied pig. When they look hurt I'll add, "What, it's a compliment. I hear they are very loyal and make lovely pets.")

#1. Drum roll please ....
Mary Shannon from In Plain Sight.
That's right! A list over run by men is topped by a woman. As it should be! With an honorable mention to her partner Marshall, Mary is easily my favorite character on TV over the past year. Why you ask? Simple. She is me. Honestly. Watch the show. She is me. Go to Hulu right now and watch --- http://www.hulu.com/search?query=in+plain+sight&st=0. You wont be disappointed!

Honorable mention to Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise. ST:TNG has to be in reruns on some channel somewhere and Picard should ALWAYS make any TV character list. When I get married I plan for Patrick Stewart to do the honors but instead of saying, "I now pronounce you man and wife." he will say, "engage" (with the hand gesture). It's going to be glorious! You just wait!

That's all folks! Although I reserve the right to edit this list as I think of others ...

Sent From Where?

When I send messages via my iPhone there is a templatized sign off that says "Sent from my iPhone." Some people choose to take that message off. Probably to try and fool their boss into thinking they are at their desk working vs. off shopping or something equally as non-worky. I choose to leave it on. The main reason is my lack of skill on the mini iPhone keyboard is shocking. That paired with my lack of spelling skills equals nothin' but pure email comedy. If you don't know, the iPhone will often try and predict what word you are typing and if you aren't paying close attention (and I never am) then your message is often littered with odd nonsensical words. The ending message, that I am typing and sending the email by phone (vs a human sized keyboard and computer), gives my readers the security that I'm not having a stroke but instead they need to do some iPhone to human translation.

My super creative friend Martha has revised her ending message to say, "sent from my bra." HA! HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE THAT? I giggle every single time I read it. I'm angry that I can't do something equally fun and creative since I often use my iPhone to write work messages. Of course Martha uses her iPhone email for work and yet, somehow, it seems totally acceptable when coming from her!

What would my email sign off be if I was as creative and free as Martha?

* Sent from your butt.
* Sent from my butt.
* Sent from the middle ring (of the three available).
* Translated from Riggins thoughts.
* Sent from deep within the Rabbit's hole.
* Sent while climbing a crazy large beanstalk.
* Sent from a yet to be named planet.
* Sent from A Beautiful Mind.
* Sent from a keyboard designed for fairies and small elves.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

Cutier Than any Baby

Okay loyal readers (all three of you). I may have had a day yesterday that quickly spiraled out of control and ended with the need for a box of tissues. I'm shaking it off and moving forward. My mini-breakdown came for no specific reason. Just an overall boringly crappy day. It started with me having to work when I'd much rather be off the week before X-Mas playing with friends and family. It wasn't helped by the horrific holiday traffic and level of stupid being shown by humanity. This alone lead me to throw a fit so horrific the poor man at the parking structure in Pasadena had no choice but to allow me to pass without paying the required fee. The residents of my hood where no help as they took up all block space leaving me no room for my garbage cans at the curb not to mention cutting my driveway entrance in 1/2. (Day before trash day is always a coin toss as the drive down the street leads to the question, "will there be room for my trash cans today?" The answer is almost always, "nope.")

The one bright shinning light of my day was the delivery of my "sneak peak" of the pictures I had taken of Riggins of me. That was tarnished with the self discovery that I wouldn't be able to share this pictures with many others as it would only cause discussion and rumors (on my behalf but not necessarily to my face) about why I don't have a boyfriend/husband. Just add it to the list folks. It was started by others before you long ago. You can nestle it right there between, "doesn't cook" and "has short hair". (BTW my hairdresser once told me when she meets a guy the first thing she asks is if he likes women with short hair. If his answer is anything but positive she walks away. Ha! She is so cool!) Here are my, admittedly, over dramatic points as to why I now own professional photos of my dog and me:
* I don't have super gorgeous photos from my wedding day looking all shinny and happy.
* I don't have adorable pictures of my children in all their cuteness.
* No husband and no children does not mean I don't f*ing deserve some g*dd*mn professionally pretty photos too --- so suck it!
(I apologise for my outburst and unlady like language. It all started yesterday. I couldn't be stopped. I screamed curse words I've never heard before. It was impressive. I'm pretty sure my neighbors think I have tourettes. It worked though ... the car blocking my driveway was "magically" moved forward.)

BUT I will happily share my sneak peak with you --- enjoy. http://fusarophotography.com/blog/2009/12/riggins-sneak-peak/

I may consider it the best money I've ever spent!

Up In The Air

To mix things up instead of reviewing a movie and giving you my thoughts on acting, plot, writing, and directing I'm going to share with you the thoughts I had prior to watching Up In The Air at the Americana at Brand this weekend.

* Is going to a mall the weekend before X-Mas just to see a movie a good idea?
* Hey. Parking wasn't bad! I still say whoever put this "two merging lane twisty" parking garage entrance in Glendale was an extreme optimist or didn't know the lack of driving/merging skills of the Glendalians.
* (As I stepped off of the last escalator) Good lord. Where did all these people come from? It's like god threw up humanity all over this place. I can see the light of the theatre. Let me through ...
* NO LINE AT THE AUTOMATED TICKET MACHINES --- MERRY X-MAS TO ME INDEED!
* NO LINE AT THE CONCESSION STAND. IT'S LIKE MY OWN LITTLE X-MAS MIRACLE!
* Good, not that many people so no one will sit by me.
* (A few minutes later ...) I said no one would sit by me. No one would sit by me. Don't sit by --- damn it.
* That Benihana's commercial makes me giggle every time. Makes me giggle and want to drink mixed cocktails from a Buddha mug!
* The creative agency who made the National Guard spot deserves some sort of award. It is mighty powerful. I would never join any armed (or non-armed) forces. Honestly it would take about 1 hour before I started a one woman coup and went AWOL. AND EVEN I get 1/2 way through that spot and want to scream, "where do I sign up?" You know what they should do? They should hand out sign up sheets and little miniature golf pencils as you walk into the theatre and then have army guys stationed at the end of each aisle and the second you sign and date the paper they sweep in and grab it from you before you come to you senses and eat the evidence.
* Good thing this Walmart/Coke spot is seasonal because it annoys me. They should get the creative shop that the National Guard uses to look this thing over.
* I'd date Alec Baldwin. I mean he is old and crazy but doesn't he look like he would be fun for a couple dates? You know before super crazy kicks in.
* What movie am I here to see again? Oh right.
* I bet I'd be good at George Clooney's character's job in this flick. I mean his life looks lonely and horrible ... hence the movie and all the award buzz around it (you don't get award buzz unless something is tragic) ... so I'm not saying I want that job I'm just saying I might be good at it. If this was High School and I was taking that test that tells you what you could be good at "when you grow up" I bet you money my test results would head closer to "lay off people" than "school teacher".
* Apparently there are no unattractive people in whatever town Valentine's Day is filmed in.
* Okay why am I the only person laughing out loud at the Death at a Funeral trailer? That movie looks hysterical.
* Seriously what did I come here to see again? Oh right. Clooney.
* Was From Paris with Love filmed in 1982 and is just now coming out? What is with the crappy production quality. Did they do that on purpose to look all "arty" ... sigh ... I bet they did ... sigh.
* Hey! Leonardo DiCaprio is finally beginning to look older than 18. Good for him!
* MOVIE'S STARTING. WOOOOO HOOOOOOO!

I Got Somethin' You Can Hold

Over the past couple months I've become addicted to an exercise class called The Bar Method. Before I start detailing the hell on earth that I pay to endure let me start with the positives.

* By far the NICEST human beings on the planet. Crazy nice. The two owners, every teacher, adorable "boys" who check in and take care of everything. ADORABLY NICE. It makes me feel horrible that I'm so unskilled at what they are attempting to teach me.

* Damn it if you don't see results. Torture = results. Honestly if I didn't see changes in my body (like the joy I get when I have to say, "sorry just a sec my pants are falling down") I'd never go back.

* Pasadena location = super duper nice.

Okay now the cold hard facts. I consider myself fit. Run 5K's often. Work out (really work out not wussy work outs) 5 days a week minimum. Hike on the weekends. Not pathetic "walks" at an incline. Take a look at the window. See that hill ... nah mountain? That. I climb that. I, wrongly, thought that the "girly" work out known as The Bar Method would be nothin'. Even with my complete lack of flexibility I'd still come out as the shinning star student. Right.

WRONG.

It's hard. And I don't mean "hard". I mean F*ing hard. F* F*ing hard.

From start to finish there isn't a part I'm not concentrating so hard I'm sweating. Each movement is so tiny and yet so horrifically painful. I appreciate the constant "cheering" from the teacher but in my head I often reply "F* off".

"Wendy good shaking."
"F*off."

"Wendy don't give up."
"F* off."

"Wendy leg higher. I know you can do it."
"F* off."

"Don't give up on the 'hold' ... and hold ... and hold ... and hold ..."
"F* off ... and F*off ... and F* off."

You get the point. AND THE SHAKING. If you aren't shaking you aren't working. Here's a test for you. Stand up with something (like a desk or chair) to hold balance with. Feet hip distance part. Go up on your toes. Higher. Higher. As my favorite instructor Maxx (2 the Maxx) would say, "the highest heels ever." Tuck your seats (aka tighten your butt in), bring your abs in (aka suck in your stomach). Comfy? Good. Now come down as far as you can (bend your knees) keeping that position with your flat back as Max would say, "like you are sliding down a wall." Comfy? Good. Now go down 2 inches lower. Now just go down a little and up a little with very controlled small movements. Comfy? Good. Now do that about 1 million more times. If you aren't shaking by the 3rd time then you are cheating. Go higher on those heels and lower to the ground.

That doesn't even touch things like push ups and non-stop curls and something that makes me shake just thinking about it called "the pretzel" ...

Remember when I said I'm fit. Throw that right out the window. I look like giant uncoordinated hippo when up next to the svelte ballerinas. I have to control myself from blurting out in the middle of class, "Oh yah Gumby? Well I can beat you in a 3.1 mile race so ... ha!"

As they say no pain no gain. And the non-flexible Wendy can now officially touch her toes. So I'm going to keep going and keep struggling to keep that internal F* you from coming out my mouth!

Aaaaaaahhhhh!

I give up. Done. Out. See ya. Men are morons (sorry you are --- all of you --- ALL OF YOU). I'm marring Riggins and living happily ever after. If that freak in Japan can marry a computer avatar I can marry my dog. It will probably be legal in CA before my gay friends can get married so take that Yes an Prop 8ers and shove that up where the sun don't shine. (http://features.csmonitor.com/innovation/2009/12/02/man-marries-video-game-girlfriend/)

Here are just a few things that have sent me jumping off the edge:

* Hey online daters. POST A PICTURE A HOLES. Seriously. POST A PICTURE. What is wrong with you? I am NOT going to suggest we meet for drinks if I haven't seen a picture. Call me shallow. Fine. I'm shallow. But I have about 5 pictures of me up there and does that seem fair? No. Stop being such a holes and post your picture.

* Take the douche photos off. I find it SERIOUSLY HARD TO BELIEVE that the only photo you have of you is with your shirt off. Really that's it? You live in a world without cameras and when you happen to see one you whip off your shirt, throw on your ray bans and strike your pose. That isn't hot. That isn't cool. That's douch-y. Might as well put that Ed Hardy shirt back on (I know that is what it is) and just move on from my cyber life.

* Hey guys old enough to be my dad or grandfather. I realize I would totally be brilliant arm candy but unless you have added the words, "rich and near death" and have a doctor and banker's note to prove it move along. I already admitted to being shallow so I don't feel I have to apologise for this statement.