All 254 of You Can F Off!

This is a screenshot from my Chemistry.com account that shows me my "connections." I have 254 of them. That means I have gone out to more than 254 guys saying "I'm interested to learn more about you" or in Wendy online dating language, "I'll totally meet you for a drink". MORE THAN 254. MORE THAN. MORE THAN 254. There isn't a font big and bold enough to write that.

I say more than since some guys, for one reason or another, have deleted themselves from my list. I'm sure for very logical reasons. Like, I'm not Asian (happened for a fact), have short hair, have a dog (which I will give you a pass on if you are allergic or just plan ol' lame), don't smoke, exercise a min. of 5 days a week, live in LA, drink socially, and am not "god fearing" (read past post for the pass on this one). That's about all they have to base this "OMG I have to delete myself from this chick's list" on. My profile doesn't offer you much more.

Of the 254 guys a percentage I went out with so they get a "thanks for trying" participant ribbon. Neither of us have the energy to delete from the list.

BUT a good percentage of those guys never responded. NEVER RESPONDED. EVER. WHY ARE YOU ON THE SITE? WHY? EXPLAIN TO ME WHY. (Again this demands a much bigger angrier font style.) I'll have to assume it is because I drink socially. It is such a turn off!

Now Chemistry has a new feature. It allows you to skip all their useless "get to know each other" steps and just email someone. I think I should go to all 254 one by one and write the following:

"Dear (fill in name).

I was going through my Connection list on Chemistry and realized you haven't responded to me in the past XXX (fill in number of days). I'd love to meet you for drinks. That is, unless you are dead.

XOXO,
Wendy"

The XOXO may be a little bit of an overkill.

(Someday I'll write about my dislike of the "nudge him" option. When someone nudges me I imagine them poking their elbow into my ribs and my reflex is to slap them. Probably not the reaction the poor guy is looking for.)